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i'm happy

by wilted petals

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1.
breathe in on a friday morning breathe out on a sunday night this weekend is just so boring i held my breath, but woke up alright breathe in on a sunday morning breathe out on a friday night this week has been so boring but i'm glad i turned out alright so i'll inhale smoke for an hour exhale smoke through the windowframe i hope these things devour... me and maybe then i won't feel no pain 'cause my time is running out my clock is tickin' now my life is getting shorter and my body's shutting down show me the way show me your face show me a reason to stay in this place and i might lay here all night long and think open my eyes to the miniscule things that i never could see 'cause i thought they'd shrink and i might lay here all night long and think open my eyes to the miniscule things that i never could see 'cause i thought they'd shrink wake up on a rainy morning pass out on a snowy night need lunch but i can't afford it i'm eating bread tonight pass out on a sunny morning wake up on a scortching eve it's 6 pm and i'm just getting out of bed it seems my death is creeping closer my life's so far away but what have i accomplished? i guess it's hard to say 'cause my mind is going crazy my hair is falling out my body's weak and lazy now i'm dead without a doubt show me the way show me your face show me my future where i fade away and i might lay here all night long and think open my eyes to the miniscule things that i never could see 'cause i thought they'd shrink and i might lay here all night long and think open my eyes to the miniscule things that i never could see 'cause i thought they'd shrink and i might lay here all night long and think open my eyes to the miniscule things that i never could see 'cause i thought they'd shrink and i might lay here all night long and think open my eyes to the miniscule things that i never could see 'cause i thought they'd shrink
2.
passing out and sleeping in all these dreams i creep within i'm watching sunlight turn to moonlight in my room it is nothing but the truth these words that i speak to you they are so cold inside my mouth they feel like ice i don't know who i am what's my name where's my house (x3) i don't know who i am where the fuck am i going? waking up, 2 pm all these sweat beads on my chin don't remember any dreams nor do i ever and i'm awake, that is for sure but am i living? i don't ask no more 'cause i died back in 2004 at just six years old i don't know who i am what's my name where's my house (x3) i don't know who i am where the fuck am i going?
3.
organs 02:30
i have been breathing with upside down lungs exhaling oxygen shaped like songs all of these breaths, when they exit my chest refuse to assist me in righting my wrongs and i have been watching through backwards eyes seeing nothing but thoughts i've invented and each of those images, though it's familiar never quite matches up with my intentions
4.
days turn into nights turn into weeks turn into months and i'm still calling you on skype each, every night to say "what's up?" paypal money turns to pizza, pizza turns to gaining weight and weight is lost when summer comes and melts it all away but hey, at least i'm here for one more year to waste away and i'll say "hey" won't you come and stay? months turn into years turn into decades into lives and by the end of it i'm hoping that you'll still be by my side but if my hopefulness is thrown away and somehow you have slipped away then i'll still happily remember all the lovely times we had, 'cause but hey, at least i'm here for one more year to waste away and i'll say "hey" won't you come and stay?
5.
dear, ____ 01:40
dear everyone i've disappointed i know it's been a while i'm sorry that i'm so ugly when i smile and dear family i've avoided 'cause i'm scared to be in groups i swear that i don't hate you and i hope you love me too dear friends who i've not seen in at least three months i'm just scared to leave my house feel free to say what's up and dear lovers i've neglected most of you have sucked so those who did can fuck right off but otherwise good luck and dear self, hey, cheer the fuck up and dear self, hey, smile a bit and dear self, you're beautiful forget what you see, your eyes are shit and dear self, hey, cheer the fuck up and dear self, hey, crack a joke and dear self, you're fun to hang with and dear self, i love you so

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...and things improved, little by little, until the tiny seed grew to be a beautiful, smiling rose who basked in sunshine

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released August 10, 2016

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